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Report:
Our
trusty Hopper was loaded with Belgian
beer from our previous
jaunt around the Belgian countryside.
This flight, to the home country of the Pilatus
was also an experiment in virtual drunkenness.
How much alcohol could be served to your FS Passengers
and what would result from it?
With
the moon still shining just above the horizon,
we began serving drinks in the wee hours of the
morning. One drunk passenger had some binoculars
and zoomed way in on the moon and shot some photos
for us, while he and 3 of his drunk friends sang
REM's MAN ON THE MOON way out of key in heavily
accented English. We did not complain. It could
have been "99 bottles of beer on the wall"
which, thankfully, wasn't a part of their repertoire.
The
drink cart never was put away, and we proceeded
to watch the FSPassengers get drunk & unruly,
causing fear for the rest of the cabin. We managed
to reach a 99% fear rating when the combination
of alcohol met some Alpine turbulence. Clothing
went missing from some passengers, which wasn't
a good sign. We pressed on and made our descent
into the Swiss Alps in complete darkness except
for a few lights left on down below.
Interlaken
is nestled in the Alps - A beautiful place during
the day. Night is a different matter entirely.
We probably should have consulted some maps before
attempting this landing at night, in a cloudy
atmosphere, Belgian beer in our system and a cabin
filled with drunks. Talk about a bad recipe! ATC
directed us to runway 5 with ILS, that was less
than a mile away from a very large ridge. We made
it over the ridge, only to find our runway directly
beneath us. Thank you, FS2004 ATC! Nothing like
getting vectored to an approach on the bad side
of the mountain...
With our passenger rating already flushed out
the onboard loo, we did what any gonzo pilot(s)
filled with Belgian beer would do: stuck the plane
in a sharp dive and went for it. Following some
lighted streets beneath us, we managed to keep
enough distance between our craft and the mountain
ridge, kept our airspeed quite low considering
and headed in. Drunk and sober passengers were
at this point screaming for their lives. It as
it this point that we should have aborted our
landing, gone around and come in on RWY 25 instead.
Did
we ever happen to mention that, in this project,
the flying is virtual but the drinking is real?
Read
the St. Bernardus review and find out
the alcohol content of this fine Belgian beer,
and you'll understand how such bad decisions get
made.
We
proceeded on, descending steeply, waiting for
the perfect moment to flair this fine and forgiving
craft out. The runway has never looked so perspectiveless
as it did on this approach. The flair happened,
as it should, but the vertical speed was still
a bit high, I guess. Subsequently, we made our
hardest landing yet, nose gear failing as the
nose of the aircraft hit the runway and we slid
down, sparks a'flying and people screaming bloody
murder. This is rather embarrassing for us, but
these things happen when you drink and fly. Thankfully,
most of the passengers were to blasted to notice
what had happened anyway. In fact, I got one comment
on how smooth the landing was, before said passenger
proceeded to vomit over himself.
In
case you're wondering, our stock of Belgian and
other fine beer arrived unscathed, safe and sound
and awaiting consumption in Africa. The other
good news is that the damage to The Hopper is
repairable, AND the Pilatus factory is not too
far away. We'll wait a few hours until they are
in the offices before we call them out for some
repairs. Good thing, in our virtual world, money
and aviation accident investigations aren't real
issues. Truthfully, our engine could use a little
maintenance before we tackle the great African
continent.
We'll
be back in a week or so for our next leg to Rome,
Italy. Meanwhile, we'll be buying some sunglasses,
Swiss army knives and eating lunch at Jungfrau,
the "Top
of Europe" -- I hear they've got
a fantastic view.
GB
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